Why Does My Ex Girlfriend Want To Be Friends?

To be friends or not to be friends after a breakup? There are several factors to be taken into account when facing this situation, and it is not always possible to be objective enough to make the healthiest decision. For this reason, the aim of this article is to approach the timeless question “Friendship with an ex, yay or nay?” from different angles so that you make the best decision according to your circumstances and desires.

Why does a girl want to be friends after a breakup?

Facing a breakup is never easy. Endless questions and “what ifs” start piling up in your head, leading to sleepless nights. If you are in touch with your ex, it gets even worse and you probably develop a tendency to over analyze every point, comma and emoji that they use in a sentence. Nevertheless, experience has taught me an invaluable lesson that I want to share with you all. When it comes to love and relationships, assume the ordinary. Don’t feed on fantasies by making impossible explanations to justify that your ex is madly in love with you, and don’t seek hidden meanings in their words. The truth is much, much simpler than that.

Let’s face it. When a person breaks up with you, they don’t want to have a romantic relationship with you. Period. Reasons can vary, but the core of the situation is pretty much the same. Think about the most common explanations for a breakup, for instance “I don’t feel the same anymore”, “I am not ready to be in a relationship”, “You’re fantastic, but I don’t feel this is going to work”. No matter what color do you want to paint it, the message is the same “I don’t want you as a romantic partner.”

Probably this last paragraph sounded a tad bit harsh, but hear me out, being clear about the situation you’re in puts you in a position of power. Now you can act accordingly to your desires and turn the situation in the direction that you wish to take it. When you take the truth, no matter how painful, and make it your ally, you’re no longer at someone else’s mercy, and that’s precisely what you need if you want a chance to get back with your ex.

What does it mean when your girlfriend says she just wants to be friends? Is it a good sign?

It depends on a number of factors. First and foremost, your ex is a person, just like you. She has hurt you, but chances are that she’s not an evil minion of Satan who is plotting to make your life miserable and is looking forward to throw confetti made with the very pieces of your soul. Your ex cares about you as an individual. This is a very important difference. When your girlfriend says she loves you but she doesn’t want to be with you, she’s telling the truth. She loves you, just not romantically.

Of course that a person who cares about you is going to want you in her life, but this sometimes can come from a pretty selfish place. She loves the comfort of your presence, she loves what you bring into her life, but she doesn’t want to be romantically involved with you. Now, depending on what you want, then you make one decision or another.

Does being friends with an ex help get her back?

The answer is an absolute no. This is a lesson that I learned the hard way. When one person doesn’t want you in their life, the best you can do is to give them the experience that they’re asking for. Yeah, I get it, if you stick around they will eventually realize the value of your love and all that, except that’s not how it works for two reasons: Not having you in her life is going to give her a taste of what breaking up really means, and if she doesn’t miss you after that, then you didn’t have much room to play your cards to begin with! The second reason is, if you are an All You Can Eat of emotional care, why would she ever need to make the decision to get back together with you if she can have what she likes and not have to put up with the rest?

The only good reason for being friends with your ex is that you genuinely want to be friends with your ex. Any other hidden intention is the equivalent of an emotional suicide in slow-motion. Friendships with ex partners can be really strong and intimate when they are genuine, but it usually takes some time to heal after the breakup and it is not until a few months or even a couple of years after a breakup that a genuine friendship can start to develop between two people than where once in love. (Except in rare cases where the breakup was mutual and there were no emotional casualties!)

What if my ex girlfriend wants to be friends but has a boyfriend?

Well, this one is pretty much self explanatory, she’s got a partner who covers her romantic needs, yet she cares about you, or loves you, again non-romantically, and she wants to count on you as a friend!

The other possible case scenario is a bit more painful:

What if my ex girlfriend wants to be friends but she ignores me?

As I stated before, your ex gf probably doesn’t intend to hurt you or is doing this in the way that she considers to be more tactful. If she says she wants to be friends with you but she ignores you, there are two possibilities: She notices your needyness and knows that your true intentions are far from being friends and she doesn’t want to feed that hope for you, or she doesn’t really want to be your friend but doesn’t want to hurt you more by cutting you off entirely. In any case, back off and take some time for yourself.

So, to the last but not least question:

What to do if I still love her?

The answer is simple. You need to be honest with yourself. If your intentions are to get your ex back, friendship is not going to lead you there. If she is no longer interested in a love relationship with you, hanging out with her non-romantically is not going to make her more interested in romance! Trying this trick is like trying to cheat a kid with breaded vegetables, except she’s an adult, she’s not interested in vegetables and you’re going to make a fool of yourself if you try to feed her those proverbial stealth vegetables that are actually romance in a friendship costume.

Repeat with me! The only good reason to be friends with your ex girlfriend is that you want to be her friend, no more and no less! If you’re after a reconciliation with your ex gf, there are other approaches that will give you way better results! Rejecting your ex’s friendship can be a much better decision in the long run. There’s no need to be mean for this! Be wise, own your feelings, and say something graceful along the lines of “My feelings for you are not of friendship and I cannot be there for you as a friend without hurting myself”. It will make you look like the sir you are, capable of owning your feelings, being honest and respecting your own boundaries, and if you ask me, it turns out to be a really sexy move!